


ten.

by LilacGalaxies (pastelxzavva)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes's Trigger Words, Other, it is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-29 10:54:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13925658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastelxzavva/pseuds/LilacGalaxies
Summary: the ten trigger words from the point of views of...bucky. the memories. the emotions.the winter soldier. the brainwashed killing machine.james. the physical body.





	ten.

**LONGING - страстное желание**

 

Bucky knows longing like he knows the plates on his metal arm. 

 

He knows the harsh throb in his chest, and the pain of wanting to have something you can never reach. He knows it all.

 

He especially knows the feeling of wanting some **one.**

 

Wanting to hold them and cradle their face in your hands, wanting to kiss them and love them and be their one and only. 

 

The Winter Soldier knows longing… somewhat. 

 

He longs for Steve. 

 

He knows Steve in a way he can’t explain because he can’t picture “Steve” but he wants him, somehow. 

 

The Winter Soldier only knows commands. Orders and how to obey and finish missions. 

 

Only knows how to follow orders and how to kill. 

 

James freezes, whole body going tense as he whimpers and starts chanting ‘no’ under his breath. 

 

**RUSTED - ржавый**

 

Bucky’s arm knows rust. The creaking and stiffness it causes and how hard it is to move something when it’s rusted. 

 

The awkward jitters and jerks in his arm, the gears and cogs and fragile wires. 

 

The Winter Soldier knows rust too.

 

He knows the danger of it, knows that with rust he can’t complete his missions. 

 

He knows he will be punished. 

 

James cries out, whole body tensing as he fights against the pull in his mind. 

 

**FURNACE - печь**

 

Bucky knows the heat of the furnace, the warmth it provides. 

 

The comfort of it and the hidden hugs and kisses and nuzzles in the soft light. 

 

The Winter Soldier knows furnaces too, the warmth it provides. 

 

How slick and cold the snow and ice gets when it melts, slipping down his skin and soaking into his clothes before it dries and warms up again. 

 

Getting him ready for the next mission. 

 

James is shaking now, sobbing and quaking and he needs to escape, please!

 

He can’t do this again!

 

**DAYBREAK - рассвет**

 

Bucky knows daybreak, loves it even. 

 

He loves the way it looked splattered on Steve’s canvases as he painted. The careful strokes and the way Steve’s face glowed in the warm light, the ice blue of his eyes even brighter than before. 

 

The Winter Soldier hates daybreak, how it spells out the end of his dark covers of shadows. 

 

He hates it because then he has to train. 

 

Or go out on a new mission. 

 

Or return from one with even more blood on his hands. 

 

James grits his teeth, shaking with the effort it’s taking him to keep in control.

 

**SEVENTEEN - семнадцать**

 

Bucky remembers being seventeen. 

 

Laughing and messing around with Steve at his side and the army. 

 

Lazy nights and whining at each other and just laughing. 

 

The Winter Soldier doesn’t care about the number. 

 

He’s far past only seventeen deaths being caused by his hands. 

 

James keeps fighting, but he’s losing his grip fast. 

 

Too fast. 

 

**BENIGN - доброкачественный**

 

Bucky knows that benign means kindness. 

 

Right?

 

Doesn’t it?

 

He’s felt kindness before, in Steve’s gentle hands and in tight hugs and careful hands teaching him to hold a gun. 

 

He’s felt it in soft silences and having some type of alcohol being passed to him and cheers and laughs and upbeat music that he dances with pretty girls to. 

 

The Winter Soldier has a very weak grasp on kindness. 

 

After all, he only knows harsh blows, punches and hits and kicks and sparing praise that means nothing to him. 

 

James is losing, he’s shaking, eyes going dull, brain starting to give in. 

 

**NINE - девять**

 

Bucky remembers being nine, too. 

 

Running through fields and listening to stories of battlefield glory with big, bright, curious eyes. Having a little wooden gun to play with and ‘shooting’ it. 

 

Fighting the older boys, the soldiers, with a stick. Fake sword fighting. 

 

He remembers being energetic and playful and laughing and smiling. 

 

The Winter Soldier doesn’t care about numbers, only orders. 

 

James is tense, but staring into nothing. He only has the barest shred of control left. 

 

**HOMECOMING - возвращение домой**

 

Bucky wants to go home. 

 

He wants Steve to hold him, to go to shitty movies. 

 

He wants a homecoming party. 

 

The Winter Soldier knows no meaning of ‘home’. Only orders. Missions. 

 

And killing. 

 

James is gone, staring into nothing but starting to relax. Stuck between Bucky and Winter Soldier. 

 

**ONE - один**

 

Bucky remembers one thing. 

 

Steve. 

 

Blonde hair. 

 

Blue eyes. 

 

Short. 

 

Thin. 

 

Fragile, but with a huge heart. 

 

The Winter Soldier knows. One mission. One person. 

 

His target. 

 

James’ head turns slowly. He’s almost totally gone. 

 

**FREIGHT CAR - грузовой автомобиль**

 

Bucky had fallen to his supposed death. 

 

He remembers seeing the train, the cars zipping by. 

 

The Winter Soldier knows that he needs to catch the train to get to where he needs to go next. 

 

His mission. 

 

He is ready. 

 

James relaxes. 

 

They untie him. 

 

He stands up. 

 

He is ready. 

 

“What is my mission?”


End file.
